http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/ Explorations in evolving the understanding, living, and teaching of Nonviolent Communication Fri, 21 Nov 2008 04:37:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-2257 The Hollosphere » Blog Archive » Sounds like NVC, must be NVC …? Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:56:29 +0000 http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-2257 [...] needs: “That doesn’t meet my need for…” which sounds to me like a vague demand, and is a form that also usually has some criticism wrapped up in it. In the above I hear a [...] […] needs: “That doesn’t meet my need for…” which sounds to me like a vague demand, and is a form that also usually has some criticism wrapped up in it. In the above I hear a […]

]]> http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-92 The Hollosphere » Blog Archive » Connecting with NVC Consciousness: It’s Not in the Words Sun, 02 Mar 2008 16:31:44 +0000 http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-92 [...] inspires compassion and what doesn’t and trust that feedback. You might enjoy Conal’s post on distinguishing needs from vague demands helpful. I encourage you to notice when you’re not fully inspired by your own or someone [...] […] inspires compassion and what doesn’t and trust that feedback. You might enjoy Conal’s post on distinguishing needs from vague demands helpful. I encourage you to notice when you’re not fully inspired by your own or someone […]

]]> http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-40 Bren Hardt Tue, 16 Oct 2007 12:13:31 +0000 http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-40 Conal: I am grateful to you for creating this blog and for the clarity it gives me about the 4 tools rather than 4 steps... my intention is to be more conscious of the distinction between true yummy connection and "techniques". Thank you. Conal: I am grateful to you for creating this blog and for the clarity it gives me about the 4 tools rather than 4 steps… my intention is to be more conscious of the distinction between true yummy connection and “techniques”. Thank you.

]]> http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-39 conal Thu, 06 Sep 2007 05:13:20 +0000 http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-39 Hi Fred. Welcome, and thanks for contributing. I agree with much of what you say, particularly "Empathy when you can -Honesty when you can't". Where I'm not with you is the idea that "vague demands", as I've called them, are expressions of honesty in the consciousness of NVC, rather than cloaked moralism. Since this issue has come up for me before and I'd like to give it an airing, I've written more on it in today's post, `Vague demands and "honesty"'. Hi Fred. Welcome, and thanks for contributing. I agree with much of what you say, particularly “Empathy when you can -Honesty when you can’t”. Where I’m not with you is the idea that “vague demands”, as I’ve called them, are expressions of honesty in the consciousness of NVC, rather than cloaked moralism. Since this issue has come up for me before and I’d like to give it an airing, I’ve written more on it in today’s post, `Vague demands and “honesty”‘.

]]> http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-37 The Hollosphere » Blog Archive » Sounds like NVC, must be NVC ...? Thu, 06 Sep 2007 03:45:08 +0000 http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-37 [...] What I read above is our same old habitual thinking cloaked a new formula for talking. This is an example of my least favorite form of expressing needs: "That doesn't meet my need for..." which sounds to me like a vague demand, and is a form that also usually has some criticism wrapped up in it. In the above I hear a statement that, while less obviously ouchy than the original statement, is outwardly directed and still rooted in judgment. [...] […] What I read above is our same old habitual thinking cloaked a new formula for talking. This is an example of my least favorite form of expressing needs: “That doesn’t meet my need for…” which sounds to me like a vague demand, and is a form that also usually has some criticism wrapped up in it. In the above I hear a statement that, while less obviously ouchy than the original statement, is outwardly directed and still rooted in judgment. […]

]]> http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-36 Fred Mon, 03 Sep 2007 19:56:53 +0000 http://evolve.awakeningcompassion.com/posts/vague-demands/#comment-36 Obviously NVC used as a technique without the intention or state of presence behind it will backfire. I speak from personal experience. What I have learned is: Empathy when you can -Honesty when you can't & we're speaking about the ability to enter into that precious state of presence.So when someone is saying that it doesn't meet their need for X they are already telling you have they have chosen option B,Honesty.When we make a statement like "I do not believe that the speaker is really connected with his or her needs" we are already in jackal mode,because we are not connected with that person-we are connected to our thoughts about that person. At that point you can either speak to what's alive in you or better yet guess to whats alive in the other person Obviously NVC used as a technique without the intention or state of presence behind it will backfire.
I speak from personal experience. What I have learned is: Empathy when you can -Honesty when you can’t
& we’re speaking about the ability to enter into that precious state of presence.So when someone is saying that it doesn’t meet their need for X they are already telling you have they have chosen option B,Honesty.When we make a statement like “I do not believe that the speaker is really connected with his or her needs” we are already in jackal mode,because we are not connected with that person-we are connected to our thoughts about that person. At that point you can either speak to what’s alive in you or better yet guess to whats alive in the other person

]]>